What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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