I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
