They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i think my cat just said my name.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
