My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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