I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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