it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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