yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
