i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
