Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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