Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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