I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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