Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
