I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
