Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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