Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
