I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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