When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
