my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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