I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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