I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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