I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
