is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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