i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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