I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize