haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
