sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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