Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
