Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
