I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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