her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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