it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
