Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i out mim tonsoeep
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
