She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
