My underwear smells like fireworks.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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