Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
