Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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