Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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