im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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