Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
