I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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