carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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