Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
