if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
