seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize