Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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