so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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