so let's talk penis.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
