just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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