can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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