Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
