Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize