I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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