my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
