I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Never underestimate the power of titties
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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