Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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