Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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